a slice of silence

8 06 2011

I’m becoming increasingly aware that my nights will soon be pierced by the sounds of an infant crying, my days will be filled with zombie-like interactions, and that with two sons any extra time I have for myself will soon be squeezed out. This makes me increasingly nervous.

I recently posted a video blog on 30God.com on how the spiritual discipline of silence has become increasingly important in my life in the past few years.

Whether it has been 20 minutes where I can journal and pray in peace, taking two minutes just to breathe and enjoy my surroundings, or a precious few days at a silent retreat center like The Hermitage, one of the places I miss most in West Michigan, silence has been a gift and a discipline to help recenter my life on Jesus.

lots of space to roam at the hermitage

Many times when I mention silent retreats people will raise their eyebrows and ask “but what do you do with all that time?” That’s one of the best things about it- going away to be silent forces me to remember that so much of my life is caught up in maximizing every moment to be as quick and efficient as possible that it can be easy for me to rush through things that are should be savored- a meal, reading bed-time stories to Reuben or even just being aware of the people around me. Silence makes me aware of the background noise that is ever-present in my mind and gives me space to invite Jesus into all the noise and give me his peace that amazingly surpasses all understanding.

I’ve been curious if silence is more difficult for introverts of extroverts to experience during silent retreats.  As a raging extrovert in some ways it’s pretty easy- I just shut my mouth and stop talking. But since introverts process so much of their world internally, is it more difficult for them to silence the internal conversation they have with themselves? Introverted blog readers- inquiring minds want to know. And since you can think about a response and type (not actually even have to speak) perhaps you’ll let me know what it’s like when you take silent time for yourself. If you’re extroverted- how have you learned to embrace & enjoy silence as a spiritual discipline?

 

 


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sabbatical dreams

24 12 2009

It’s hard to believe that in eight days I’ll begin a year long sabbatical from my regular job with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship! After seven years IVCF grants up to a year for academic sabbaticals, an amazing gift! I’m actually in my ninth year of ministry and during this year, I plan to  finish my M.A. through Wheaton Grad school.  I was talking with my friend Gracee the other day about helpful things to consider before beginning a sabbatical- I’d love some advice from any other people that have done/are doing one!

Since my degree is modular and my first class doesn’t start until March, I’ll actually have a decent amount of time for other things besides writing papers and reading for class. I’ve been mentally compiling a list of things I’d like to do, so I thought I’d just blog it out and stop driving myself batty with all my dreams for the next year.

Here is what I actually plan to do:

  1. Finish my M.A. through Wheaton. Read like crazy. Learn some rad stuff about evangelism and leadership. Write a lot of papers.
  2. Begin writing a book on “women in witness” based on the seminar I’m leading at Urbana- I’m so stoked about this and still can’t believe I have a meeting with an editor in a few days to discuss it!
  3. Invest awesome mom time with Reuben and wife time with Dave. I’m hoping to take a mom/toddler swim class with Reuben and a dance class with Dave.
  4. Spend time with girlfriends. I always have ideas for parties but often am gone so much or am so tired that I don’t have energy to follow through on my ideas. My latest party idea: “souper saturday”; have a couple girlfriends over with ingredients for soup that we’ll chop, cook and then each take a portion home to eat/freeze having multiple soups already prepared! I’d also just love to be able to do more normal mom stuff- playdates with kids, library reading hours, things I normally don’t get to do on a regular basis because of my travel schedule.
  5. Spend some awesome time with Jesus. I’m looking forward to taking a silent retreat in January or February at my favorite place, The Hermitage. I’m also hoping to be more involved with the moms group at my church and to possibly plan a women’s retreat!

    the hermitage is beautiful year round- even now when it's covered in snow.

Here is what I’d do if there were no limits to my sabbatical (time, $, family committments, etc.) in addition to what I’m already planning:

  1. Take the “fantasy bake-cation” through Zingerman’s bakery in Ann Arbor. A full weekend of learning how to bake world-famous bread or pastries. I would so LOVE to do this! Perhaps I will be able to swing taking one of the classes. I’d love to learn how to make english muffins at home. I’m a glutton for breakfast breads.
  2. Travel: to Kenya- to visit my brother and sister-in-law while they take sabbatical/work there for six months. To Ireland to visit one of my college girlfriends Katie and her husband Rob. Anywhere warm with Dave during the months of January and February when I get cabin fever living in Michigan.
  3. Create and sell artwork, like the peacock prints I made awhile ago. I’ve had a lot more ideas for those types of things but alas- it takes a lot of time to do that sort of thing! I’ve always found I both think and feel better when I have an outlet for creativity.
  4. Do a triathlon this summer. I wanted to do the Reed’s Lake run here in Grand Rapids this past summer, but again, that takes time and money- not to mention a lot of discipline! I think I probably will end up doing a 5K this spring with Dave, but a triathlon would be pretty cool too.
  5. Reorganize my kitchen pantry. This is the kind of stuff I tell myself that I’d like to do because it makes me feel like a better person but when it comes down to it, I really don’t enjoy it.

    help. me.

    If you had a year to pursue your dreams, what would you do? Help me reorganize my pantry? ;)


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Categories : baking, church, food, friendship, grad school, inner world

the flushing sanctuary

28 10 2009

Recently I saw this painting in the bathroom of my hair salon. It was too good to not take a picture.

IMG_0666If you can’t read the text it says: “Today the degradation of the inner life is symbolized by the fact that the only place sacred from interruption is the toilet.”

I thought the caption was so true. So many of us work hard to care for our homes, friends or kids, our jobs but our inner worlds are in shambles. Even when we catch up on sleep we still feel exhausted because we’re “soul tired.” Have you ever felt this way? Where do you find solitude in the midst of a busy, noisy life? How do you find your inner world restored?

 

This week I’m going on a 24-hour retreat of silence. I’ve been making a habit of this for the past 5 or so years. Trying to take a day every month for silence, journaling, prayer and listening to God has been one of the most significantly formative things in my life and something my soul has started to crave like my body now craves running (who would have thought!?) The thing I like about taking retreats of silence (ROS’) is that it is so counter cultural to everything we’re told to do. Things like:

  • Stay ahead of the game so you don’t fall behind.
  • You will be worth less if you cease working.
  • Talking is better than listening. Noise is better than silence.
  • If you don’t work/cook/clean/exercise/keep pushing harder everyday the world will stop spinning.

Taking space to be silent reminds me that none of these things are true. I don’t have worth because of what I can produce, the suave words I speak, the relationships I have, the work I do, or how I look. I have worth because I’m created in God’s image as a dearly loved child. When I stop, I’m reminded of this truth and all the things I tend to put my worth in (take your pick from the list above) all get flushed away in the presence of Jesus. None of those things in and of themselves are bad, but when I (we) derive our worth from things that change/disappoint/hurt/fail they become like the pieces of poo stuck to the white porcelain of a toilet bowl- you can’t avoid looking at it, no amount of flushing you do your self will make it go away. It takes some scrubbing and cleansing to get rid of that nasty bit of crud that won’t seem to disappear.

Wow, did I really just compare my soul to a toilet bowl? It must be late. Or I must be so out of whack that I should be sent away on a silent retreat so I won’t write nonsense like this. Anyways- after a crazy month I’m looking forward to silence, a nap and praying as I walk the labyrinth at The Hermitage the retreat center I visit. I especially love that there are 62 beautiful acres of glorious trees, fields, ponds and rolling hills to enjoy on this property.

 

IMG_0057

Where will the Holy Spirit lead you? God only knows.

I took this picture the last time I was there in July. I’m eager to go there this week as I’ve yet to take a retreat in the fall at The Hermitage. So here is my challenge to you this week: spend some time in silence. no iPod. no tv. no cell phone. Set a timer and take 5 minutes to practice silence and pray. Make your drive to work a sanctuary of silence, your walk to class, those waning moments before you go to bed at night. Wherever or whenever it is- make space. Often a breath prayer is helpful- one where you can recite words in one breath, like; “Let there be peace within, and let it begin with me” or for something from scripture, “Be still, and know that I am God”. When I first started to practice silence, I needed to work up to it, so don’t be discouraged if all you can think about is your grocery list or your plans for the weekend. Simply ask God to help you return to silence and be mindful of his presence. May God fill you with his love as you enter his presence!

 


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