the church of my imagination

21 10 2010

Choirs of unicorns singing gospel hymns, humorous sermons by Stephen Colbert and joyful potlucks with BBQ ribs afterwards comprise the church of my imagingation. Well, not actually, but it’s fun to picture right? Unicorns, Colbert, ribs- sounds like a divine trifecta to me.

dude, just how many hallelujahs are there in the hallelujah chorus?

Dave and I have been looking for a church here in Cleveland and I’ve been reflecting on what we value in a church, how we go about evaluating those values, the dissonance that occurs between what I picture as an ideal church and what we experience in reality.  Recently I took a class with Rick Richardson (aka Slick Rick) at Wheaton Graduate School on various models of evangelism and church. I was easily inspired and going to places like Lawndale Community church where the church has helped to provide health services, a low cost fitness center, a dental clinic and arts cafe in Lawndale, a struggling community just outside of Chicago.

my friend Francie and I outside of Lawndale Community Church's "Firehouse Arts Center" where they have a hip hop church!

Especially exciting is that they look to the leadership of people who are in the community for the answers to the problems that they face rather than coming in with their own ideas of cleaning up trash from the streets or painting houses to make superficial changes. Churches like Lawndale are truly bringing the kingdom of God here on earth as it is in heaven.

The phrase “church shopping” has come into the vocabulary of evangelicals in recent years, I believe in large part because so many churches have structured their services around a consumer Christian experience- “do I like the worship? What kinds of programs does the church offer for me? Did I “get fed” from the sermon?” When did Christians become so lazy that they need someone to spoon-feed them spirituality instead of experiencing growth as a daily part of life? In the last year I’ve had a growing discontent with various models of church and have felt like moving to Cleveland offers a great fresh start for finding and investing in a community that we can be part of to live life and serve Jesus together.

If you’ve ever been to a wedding or any variety, it’s likely that you may have heard 1 Corinthians 13 read by someone’s cousin, friend or uncle- “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.” The earlier part of this passage talks about how there can be many impressive things present in a church; generosity to the poor, speaking eloquently about God, faith that can move mountains- yet without love it amounts to nothing. Nothing.

This has become the main factor for me in determining whether I want to join a church community or not: does it seem like a place where the love of Jesus is present? Are there people there who through the love that Jesus are seeing to always trust, persevere, hope and rejoice together? Are they the type of people who will judge me when I inevitably hurt, offend or slight someone? Or will they forgive? Do people seem proud of themselves because of what they’ve accomplished? For how big the church is or how edgy they can be? I’ve realized I can listen to great sermons online, buy a worship cd for world-class praise music or even call up friends who live far away that I can pray with.

dear God, let church be more than a building!

The thing I can’t replace is people. And that’s what church is all about- the mess, glory and joy of being with people who are in the process of being transformed into the divine creatures that are agents or peace, love and hope because of Jesus. It’s hard, there are hurt feelings, horrible conflicts. Yet in my imagination I see a community that is overflowing with the love of Jesus- where they’re able to have ridiculous amounts of fun together, pray like God is really listening, cry with one another in the midst of suffering and serve the needs around them without needing a church program to tell them that’s a good thing. That even when the hard, horrible things happen, they’re able to look to Jesus as their source of forgiveness and hope to heal the wounds we inflict and that are inflicted upon us. I hope that the church in my imagination can become more and more of a reality here in my neighborhood and community as we become involved in the lives of people seeking to follow Jesus here in Cleveland.


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how open minded are you?

22 09 2010

We all like to think of ourselves as open-minded people, tolerant of others who look different than us or have different beliefs. We want to be more enlightened thank many of the close-minded who have gone before us. Yet most of us have histories that shape the way we view people and people groups that leave lingering feelings of resentment, suspicion or judgement.  Sometimes this can be warranted- someone breaks trust by doing or saying something really hurtful which makes us likely to not trust the next person who comes along who is also a member of the intergalactic cat-lovers society or the Girl Scouts.

I’ve chosen to associate myself group of people that has been earned a particularly bad rep in society; evangelical Christians.  There has been actual data done on what jerks we are and have been.  In the book UnChristian

David Kinnaman's and Gabe Lyon's helpful, depressing and insightful book.

David Kinnaman details the common perceptions of Christians in society today found in the in depth research he did with the Barna group.  The chapter headings detail the bulk of the findings; Christians are: Hypocritical, judgmental, too political, anti-homosexual, sheltered, and too concerned with getting people’s souls saved.  Sadly, I have to agree with many of his findings and even more sadly am guilty of some of these things.

This was why my conversations with Alex at Burning Man were so significant.  When you’re part of a group that has earned a bad rep people typically assume that “you’re just like the rest of them.” I can’t tell you how many times my gut squirms when I tell people what I do.  It’s not because I’m embarrassed or ashamed to be a “consultant for college students in Christian leadership development” (evangelist or even campus pastor seems to weird people out waaaaay too much). It’s because that it has been all too common for me to see people’s eyes glaze over, stop talking to me or make passive aggressive jokes along the lines of “you’re not going to preach at me now/thump me over the head with your bible/tell me I’m going to hell? are you?” And say this all within the first two minutes that we’re talking to each other.  It sucks to have people stereotype you. And sucks even more that evangelical Christians have brought this warranted judgement on themselves.

Alex, a friend of Nicole’s who had come on the trip wasn’t one of these people whose eyes glazed over, shut down or made jokes about jerky Christians.  Over a cup of dusty coffee outside of our RV, Alex dressed in low-key burning man garb- a tank-top, khakis and a simple yellow flower hanging on a cord around his neck talked with me about significant areas of our lives- families, work, dreams for our future-he without being suspicious I would bust out some bible verses and me without any sort of agenda other than making a new friend and learning about his life.

Cool guys have beards. Check out Alex's work as a documentary film maker: http://www.strangerthanfilms.com/

Towards the end of our conversation he shared about how suspicious he had been of Christians. “I thought that anything nice they would do was because they were trying to convert me or lure me into their religion” Alex mused, taking a swig of his now cold coffee.  ”I realize how wrong it’s been of me to stereotype Christians.” I let that sink in a little. I have never, ever heard a person who isn’t a Christian apologize for the ways they have wrongly stereotyped us. I was also filled with gratitude because that was part of the whole reason we went to Burning Man- to help dispel stereotypes of what Christians are about and who Jesus is.

He continued to share as I listened intently, leaning forward in the cheap red folding camp chair, watching the dust storm swirl behind him in the distance. “I don’t need to be afraid to be friends with people who have a different system of belief.  If I don’t want to convert, then I don’t have to think that being friends with them will somehow force me into believing what they do.”  At this point I was elated both for the opportunity to hang out with a really cool person, to have the space to talk about significant things and that he was willing to be so vulnerable with me about his negative past with Christians.  I thanked Alex for sharing with me and how meaningful his apology was.  It was one of the highlights of my time at Burning Man and made me want to go back again because I felt so included in who I am and what I bring into the crazy mix there.

"at burning man, you'll never be the weirdest kid in the class!"

I asked Alex if I could blog about our conversation & he blessed me with this encouragement “of course you have my permission and blessing to spread the good word of connection understanding reconciliation and tolerance! So yeah, go ahead and let people know there are some good atheist/agnostics/pagan/hippies out there, and I’ll let my people know there are good Christians!” Thank you Alex for making Burning Man a place even “an evangelical” can be accepted an invited to participate and offer my gifts of faith to the community :)

Back in non-burning man world, conversations with Alex compel me not to go to church, but to be the church.  It’s easy to leave the church or Christianity because you’re so pissed that so many people or institutions do fulfill these stereotypes. Most recently, Ann Rice got fed up and left.  There have been many times in my adult life that I’ve wanted to walk away from all of it, sat in church angry and jaded, depressed and sad that a book like UnChristian can even be written.  However I have to believe that it (church, Christians, evangelicalism) can change, needs to change and will change through a crazy, radical lifestyle of love that comes from Jesus when his people get down to living out this life rather than just talking about it and judging others.


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the dirtiest man at Burning Man

13 09 2010

There are plenty of legends about the porta-potties at Burning Man. 50,000 people. no running water. in the blazing hot desert. Things get a little stinky.  Even for people with RV’s who have the luxury of not needing to walk from their camp to the public potties have to deal with the question: “what do you do with the poo?”

Thankfully there were people like Dustin at Burning Man. Guys hired by the festival to drive the sewer trucks around and remove the waste for a fee from festival attenders.  The live in RV’s on the outskirts of camp, have their meals catered and spend 12 hours a day cleaning other peoples excrement.  While walking to one of the potties my friend Rick and I were discussing the problematic poo potentency from our own RV when we spotted Dustin’s truck. Rick flagged him down while I went to use the porta-potties and when I emerged Dustin invited us to hop in his truck to drive to our RV and clean it out even though it was out of his district.

next time, we will only use the RV bathroom for applying makeup!

At one point in the week we realized a gift we had to offer to the Burning Man community was prayer. Prayers of blessing, affirmation and encouragement.  So many people have been hurt by Christians and the church, believe them to be judgmental and close-minded, we sensed that Jesus was directing us to demonstrate his love for people in a tangible way at Burning Man.  While we were slowly cruising through the camp with Dustin we began to chat with him about his life just to simply get to know him.  Burning Man is all about connecting with people and radical inclusion- yet I began to wonder, who wants to include Dustin, the self-proclaimed “sh*t-sucker” at their dinner table, dance party or bike ride?

During our ride, a half-dozen people ran up to Dustin’s truck to ask if he could clean out their RV- while he would sigh and mutter  ”leave me alone” it was clear that he had become annoyed with festival-goers asking him to clean their RV or assuming he was in charge of the toilet-paper supply in the porta-potties.  As we talked, Dustin shared with us that he had been in prison for three years & that the sewage company was the only one who would give him a job after prison.  ”They gave me a job & then eventually I became manager” he smiled gruffly as Rick and I congratulated him on his achievements.

Rick, Dustin & Me outside of our considerably less smelly RV!

“How was prison?” Rick asked as Dustin continued to be stopped by people needing RV poo-removal. Rick is able to connect with people in amazing ways, to empathize and invite them to see how Jesus might be working in their lives.  Though I know this about him, the question struck me as weird. How was prison? That’s like asking, “how was your colonoscopy?” Yet Dustin still replied, “It was alright. The hardest thing was going three years without a woman’s touch, y’know.” Rick empathized about the difficulties of marriage and lack of physical contact and asked him if he was married. Dustin shared that he had been married three times, that each time had been very difficult & that he hated being lonely but didn’t know if marriage could actually work. Rick began to ask him about how he deals with pain in his life & if he had any spiritual ways of dealing with the pain. “Well, I grew up LDS (latter-day saints; we were pretty close to Utah), but I don’t really go to church anymore.

At that point we had arrived at our RV & Dustin hopped out of the truck and started getting the hose down from his truck for the removal process, putting on his gloves and removing the cap from our sewage box.  As he got ready, I stood to the side and told Rick I wanted to ask Dustin if we could pray for him, which Rick shared that he had already been thinking about.  As he finished up, removing his gloves and squirting anti-bacterial lotion on his hands, Rick explained our hope to give people gifts at Burning Man through prayer and asked if we could pray for him.  Dustin seemed surprised, but pleased that we were showing an interest in his life beyond his poo-removal abilities and agreed.  As we were praying I felt God urging me to give him a hug. I didn’t feel like it was a big gesture but for a guy who had just shared how lonely he was and how painful each of his three divorces and marriages had been, maybe that’s what God thought he needed.

After we prayed, I asked if I could hug him. “Sure!” he smiled as Rick scooted off to get some cash to give him a tip in addition to his fee.  I gave him a big hug and thanked him for the ride back to our camp and for helping us with our poo problem.  Though it didn’t seem significant at the time, I was thinking about how part of Jesus’ ministry was to care for the “untouchables” in the places he traveled- lepers who were banished from the city, women who were unclean because of their menstrual cycle, people who were physically handicapped and couldn’t walk. The people that no-one wanted to touch, no one wanted to be around.  In a very small way, I felt like Jesus was extending himself through me to Dustin- the “sh*t-sucker.” To help him see that God values him, he is worthy of being loved by people and by God and that he is more than the job he does or his painful past. He is worthy of being seen and touched as someone made in the image of God.

Dustin was one of my favorite people I met at Burning Man. He wasn’t a middle-class white kid trying to escape and play desert hippie for a week, a high-paid exec looking to cut loose or a pseudo-spiritual person that was just looking to consume the next spiritual buzz. He was just a regular dude, trying to figure out how to be happy, stay married and live life well. I think that’s what many of us want- and just like Dustin, it can be hard to find.


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Larry Saves- the spirituality of burning man

10 09 2010

While some people go to Burning Man looking for drug-fueled hook ups in the desert, there are plenty who aren’t.  One of the reasons my friends and I went to Black Rock City is that we believe it to be a spiritually rich place, a place where people haven’t given up on exploring life, experiencing something transcendent or being freed  shame in their lives and doing that in community.

As my friend and mentor Rick Richardson put it, Burning Man “smells like spirituality” there is a quality about the festival makes people open up about their lives, give space to rethink their preconceptions or explore new ideas.  The daily grind of sleep/work/food/kids/car/cleaning/ isn’t present and it just gives mental space to reflect and ask questions.  Here are some of the highlights of the week for me regarding spirituality and how it was expressed through the artwork at the festival.

the temple at Burning Man

pain, regret, hurt, shame, remembrances, memorials to people, pets and self.

There is an actual temple at Burning Man where people can go and reflect, write a prayer, poem or memorial.  Rather than the loud bawdiness of the rest of Burning Man it’s a quiet reflective place. I saw a lot of people crying as the posted pictures of lost loved ones, dogs or cats.  It is heartbreaking to read some of the things people write. I was filled with both sadness and compassion for the people there with so many wounds in their lives.  I thought about how Jesus was present even though the name “Jesus” or “Christian” has so much baggage for so many people.  I wondered how so many people deal with so much pain in their lives.  At other times reading prayers was comforting- to know others are struggling in life and that you aren’t alone.  I think that’s a key reason people are drawn to the temple. Prayer isn’t done in private- it’s shared with the community. Some are simple prayers or memorials- a sharpie scrawled with a message of forgiveness to a hateful father.   Some memorials are elaborate:

a memorial at the temple.

The temple is one of the key aspects of the festival- perhaps it’s because it fills a need. Where do you go to church, if…you don’t go to church? There were even a few weddings during the week at the temple for people who met at Burning Man or see it as a big part of their lives. Though people may say that the place you worship doesn’t matter, I do believe there are spiritually significant spaces and that many of us long for those spaces that aren’t filled with the noise of advertisements, overheard cellphone conversations or the barrenness of cubicle-land. Even the journey to the temple, which is set in the distance on the playa (pronounced ply-a as in try-a). At the end of the festival they burn the temple.  I was really sad that we couldn’t stay for this part of the week, but I’m hoping in future years to be there for the event.  On saturday night, the sculpture of the man is burned. It’s a crazy party with everyone yelling and screaming.  I’ve been told by many burners that the burning of the temple is the opposite- thousands of people and it’s dead quiet and solemn.  I’m curious to know why it’s quiet- out of respect? sadness? fear? hope? catharsis? I suppose I’ll only know if I go and talk to people about their experiences. Why do you think people would be silent?

While Burning Man is essentially a neo-pagan event there is still a tremendous longing to connect spiritually. Some artistic statements are profound:

"when you call my name, it's like a little prayer!"

In reference to Larry Harvey, founder of Burning Man

from the global community photo project- "why do you do what you do?" http://www.wdydwyd.com/

To the more profane:

I have no idea how to even caption this one- this was the name of someone's camp.

To the silly:

We actually "passed the peace" as done in more liturgical churches- "the peace of God be with you" answer: "and also with you!"

Since learning about and experiencing the spirituality of Burning Man was a key reason why I attended the festival, I have a lot more to write about. My next post will be about the people we interacted with, prayed for, talked with and learned from. There are some sweet stories of how people encountered Jesus and how I experienced his presence, so stay tuned bloggy-bloggertons!


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nudity does not equal sexuality

8 09 2010

I saw a lot of peeps and boobs at Burning Man this past week. After a 10-hour drive in an RV Saturday night after the man burned, a 4-connection flight on Sunday, and a 5 hour drive home on Monday to Cleveland after picking up Reuben in Ithaca, I’ve had a lot of time to begin processing my experiences at the Burning Man arts festival.  Even now I’m in a hazy-tired-ear-plugged up from changes in elevation but I wanted to begin writing before I forgot all the cool stuff.

So- back to the peeps and boobs.  Burning Man is a quintessential post-modern experience in community- “whatever works for you” is truly the mantra of the tribe there- in regards to everything.  One of the reasons Dave and I wanted to go together was that we knew we’d see a lot of nudity and sexual stuff and wanted to be together as a couple to pray and process together when we encountered weirdness. We also wanted to be able to honor our marriage covenant together and celebrate by getting bizzay with no one else except each other!

my one and only!

I was curious how I would deal with the nudity (would I want to cheat? go lesbian? go native & rock the birthday suit?) and also how Dave as a red-blooded visual dude would deal with seeing boobs, thong-clad butts and all manner of beautiful women walking around that weren’t his wife.  Surprisingly my view on nudity and why people went nude at the festival changed mid-week.  The first time I saw people nude it was shocking. By the end of the trip when I was in the airport I commented to my friend/professor Rick, “boy it’s weird seeing people with clothes on!”

As an evangelical Christian I believe God created the body to be a beautiful, joyous thing to be used to serve others, enjoy and honor God.  I asked the questions above not because I feel especially tempted to cheat on my husband with a man or woman or join a nudist colony, but because I know that though Jesus has saved me from the selfish darkness that so easily consumes, it still can rear it’s ugly head and try to convince me to do things that would break promises to God, my husband, and to the community I’ve committed myself to and dishonor who God has created me to be.

At some points the nudity was amusing- seeing a dude ride a bicycle naked was perhaps one of the most disgusting and seemingly uncomfortable things I’ve ever seen. Guys- I must say, I am impressed that any of you ride bicycles and can still have children.  There were lots of old hippie women that my new friend Alex & I joked about that they could have a saggy boob contest and that the prize would be a support bra.  There were people who offered to do body paint to decorate the body and there was actually some amazing art covering men and women though they were nude.

want to play piano in your briefs? go for it!

At other times nudity seemed like a radical statement in self-acceptance.  The only thing you can buy at Burning Man is coffee, ice, water & other caffeinated drinks. One one of the days I wanted an iced chai & as I sat to enjoy it, an entirely nude woman walked past me.  Most of the women went topless (I still can’t believe I’m writing this and am a Christian minister- wow, Jesus is funny!) so to see her entirely naked seemed to be such a statement of the lack of self-judgement and societal judgement to in some ways echo what God always intended for us- to be naked and unashamed of how we were made. At one point Rick asked a person in his son’s camp why she went naked during the week after she shared that had he arrived earlier she would have been entirely naked.  ”would you have wanted to be admired?” he asked “well” she replied, “I suppose if someone wanted to admire me, I would have received it as a compliment, but really going naked is more for me- to accept who I am and be comfortable with that, to challenge the fear I have of what others think of me”  It was like a lightbulb that went off for us uptight evangelicals who assume that if you see the bank-tellers cleavage you’re going to become addicted to porn, if a man is handsome, looks like James Franco and is wearing a pair of skinny jeans you’ll leave your husband to jump his bones.  Please don’t construe this as minimizing the horrific statistics of divorce, infidelity in and outside of the Christian community, but I think a big part of it is that sexuality, honoring our bodies and lust isn’t talked about so people resort to secrecy, which results in sin and brokenness when they can no longer feel “naked and unashamed” emotionally, relationally or spiritually with their spouse, friends or community. I feel like that’s pretty messed up.

the "bliss" sculpture a 50 ft. celebration of the female form

Being in a semi-nude community for a week made me feel surprisingly un-selfconscious about my own body though I was fully clothed the entire time.  The soundtrack that usually plays in my head- “do my thighs look too big? Did I really gain 10 lbs this summer, is she prettier than me?” was amazingly silent. (that’s right- eff you negative self-talk!) I became more thankful for the unique gift that only I can offer to this world- myself, as God created me- body mind and spirit. It has challenged me to be more thankful for my body and to stop being such a judgmental jerk of other peoples bodies.

I’m going to be blogging about Burning Man all week & I’d love to answer any questions you have about my experience, about what I’ve written, to encourage or challenge my thoughts on this.  I know there is a wide variety of people who read my blog; some who are likely uncomfortable or offended that I went to burning man in the first place to people think it’s super awesome and wish they could have gone. I want my blog to be an interactive, respectful place where people can voice their thoughts and opinions- so if you don’t agree with something I’ve written or someone else has commented on, please take a deep breath before typing out something reactionary in your comments and know that this is a public place to share thoughts and ideas.


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peacock progress- burning man preparations!

26 08 2010

Only 4 days to go until Dave and I arrive at the Burning Man festival.  Costume prep has been going well so I thought I’d post a few pics of our progress.

I would be considered remedial at best when it comes to sewing. As I’ve been working on my costumes I sorely wished that my crafty friends Sarah, April and Jackie lived closer to lend a skilled hand. However, I have been pleased with how things are turning out so far.

white sundress with painted peackcock feathers. This has been time consuming so I'm not sure if I'll paint feathers all over everything.

I found a couple of cheap sundresses at thrift stores & decided to adorn them peacock-style.  Since the weather in the day will be over 100 degrees I wanted to find something cool and confortable. At night it can get into the 40s, there are dust storms and 40 mile per hour winds that blow across the dry desert. So, I’ve been trying to combine practicality with creativity realizing that everything will be filthy dirty with the dust the whole week.

just needs some glitter! I think the "feathers" will look cool rustling in the wind.

It’s going to be a little MadMax meets peacock fabulousness. Our order of military grade goggles to shield our peepers in the dust storms arrived this week as did our day-pack camel backs to ensure that we don’t get dehydrated and wither away.

goggles, glitter & Gilmore Girls are almost as good as bears, beets & battlestar galactica

On another happy note, I found out that Alan Hirsh will also be at Burning Man.

Alan Hirsch- one crazy Australian who is crazy about Jesus!

I took a class led by him at Wheaton earlier this year & have deeply appreciated his writing and thoughts on how to return to a more relationally connected and missional church. I felt like my mind was totally blown after his class & I really began to grapple with the implications for my life and ministry after I read his books The Forgotten Ways and Untamed which he and his wife Debra co-wrote.

Spiritually, Dave and I have been talking and praying about the trip. As we spend time with Jesus we’ve been praying for the people we’ll meet, praying for physical protection from the elements and heart protection from the inevitable darkness we’ll encounter amidst the revelry.  I do feel like God has been preparing the way for us already- I was able to make a connection that led to an invite to a “burning nerds” cocktail hour for professors or graduate students. I can’t even begin to imagine what this gathering will be like but I’m thrilled to meet other academics who have a penchant for wild costumes and extreme camping and go with my classmate Nicole & professor Rick. Apparently Larry Harvey the founder of Burning Man will be making an appearance- I feel like God has already given us some divine appointments & connections!


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the omission trip

17 08 2010

I’m going to Burning Man 2010- why? Because I think it is a place that Jesus would hang out. Along with all the freaks, artists, people wearing only body-paint, and cadre of mutant vehicles in this crowd of 45,000 that assembles in the desert to form the temporary Black Rock City Dave and I are heading out with 5 other friends to see what God is doing amongst “the burners.”

an aerial view of black rock city

Strangely enough this is considered a research and mission trip by the organization I work for, InterVarsity Christian Fellowship, is sponsored by the Billy Graham Center and is being led by Dr. Rick Richardson, the head of the M.A. program I’m doing through Wheaton Graduate School. A number of us in the M.A. program call him “slick Rick” because he’s so unassuming in appearance, but laser sharp when it comes to understanding and relating to post-modern culture and people. Rick has been a mentor over the years in sharing my faith with others so I’m thrilled to have a week to hang out, learn from and talk with him about what it means to be the presence of Jesus to people who don’t yet know him. He was the one who suggested that Burning Man would make a great research experience for my M.A. thesis.

I’ve started to refer to this trip as “the omission trip” rather than a mission trip, as unconventional of a mission trip as it might be.  Mission trip sounds a little too much like we’re going to do something for this crew of people, when in reality all we offer is Jesus and an openness to learn from this community of people that has often been overlooked or “omitted” by the church or religious types (hence, the trip of the overlooked or left out).  We plan to go and build relationships, pray with and for and share Jesus with fellow burners and try to understand and connect with their spiritual longings and hopefully help them to understand and experience Jesus in a new way.

anything goes at burning man

One of the biggest thrills in my life is going to people and places that freak Christians out and get me out of my comfort zone.  I’ll admit that I’ve slightly relished (and been mildly embarrassed) explaining to other Christians why we’re going to Burning man as I describe this new-age arts festival where people will be using drugs and the website states that “there are to be no sex acts committed in public” and I’ll be wearing a peacock costume for the week. It gets me hype because I feel like this is exactly the kind of thing that Jesus would get into- wanting to go where the people gathered to be with the outcasts rather than staying in the pristine temple to hang out with religious folks.  If you’re a Christian reading this- doesn’t this sound a little like what Paul does in Acts 17 in Athens? We hope as well that burners will want to hear more about this Jesus who was resurrected from the dead.

If you’d like to be part of this crazy little spiritual experiment, we’d love for you to pray for us & our other 5 friends on the trip that we’ll represent Jesus well to others, build meaningful relationships and enjoy the creativity God has blessed this group of people with. You can pray for Reuben & Grandpa & Grandma Fick as they care for him for the week while we’re away. If you’d like to contribute to what we’ve financially raised to afford the tickets, airfare and massive amounts of sequins for our costumes, you can give to our “omission trip” at InterVarsity’s Website.

I’ll likely be writing updates about this trip in the next few days, posting pics of how our costumes are coming along/asking for input, and processing what I hope to learn and experience. Thanks for being part of the fun adventures Jesus is sending me on!

sometimes Jesus takes us to crazy places, in crazy ways!


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racist vomit

29 07 2010

“do you need a ride to the airport? I’ll glad you dump you back where you belong…why don’t you go back to your own country” The words were violently spewed out and even though they weren’t directed towards me by the angry woman whose bulk was covered in a baggy tweety bird tank top, I still felt attacked.   I was bagging my groceries at Aldi as an argument about grocery store line etiquette erupted into a torrent of racist slurs.

What do you do in these situations? How do you react when someone you don’t know or care about violates the preciousness of what it means to be human?

As the fight got more heated between tweety tank top and the older european woman who had (heaven forbid) stepped out of line quickly to get something she had forgotten, briefly causing a delay and some blueberries to spill on the floor.I spun through how I could respond in the situation.

1. Confront the angry woman. Risk becoming the next target for her verbal assaults.
2. Ignore it and just get out of there as quickly as possible.
3. Start singing Lady Gaga songs at the top of my lungs to distract the angry woman and make another scene all together that would perhaps cease the racist vomit.

"stop yelling, stop yelling, I don't want to hear your slurs anymore."

I quickly packed up my groceries without breaking into my version of “Bad Romance” feeling angry at the woman, angry that she had subjected everyone in the store to her verbal poison, and angry that this kind of thing still happens. Since my back had been turned I didn’t actually see the woman who she had been yelling at, but  I turned around to the next woman in line who was older “were you the woman who was being yelled at? I’m so sorry that you were spoken to that way- it’s completely unacceptable…” turns out she wasn’t the woman who was being yelled at but she asked me “do you know that woman? are you related to her?” I was slightly embarrassed at this point because she wasn’t the woman. “no, I’m not related but I don’t think anyone should be subjected to being spoken to like that.”  I noticed a black woman in line whose eyes grew wide as she watched the interaction between the two of us. I was curious what she was thinking and if she had ever been apologized to for the ways she had likely been subject to racism.

In the parking lot I saw another woman who was older and looked shaken up as she wheeled her cart to her car.  I thought about just getting in my car and driving back to where I was staying, but I felt so horrible about what I’d just witnessed. As I approached the woman, I asked if she was the woman who had been yelled at. “I just had to get something else and stepped out of line quickly” she apologized  in a slightly slavic accent. I quickly assured her that I wasn’t also coming to yell at her- “I’m so sorry that you were treated that way. I’m sorry you had to experience such awful racism- it’s wrong.” She softened and thanked me- “you know, my grand-father came to this country in 1904….two years later he came home. She never told me where home was but I’m guessing her grand-father likely didn’t leave because he was so overwhelmed by superb American hospitality. She hugged me saying, “thank you , there aren’t enough people like you in the world.”

As I drove away I thought about why I felt compelled to say something to the woman. I didn’t need to, I wasn’t the one who had yelled at her. However, because I believe that God has created everyone in the beauty and wonder of his image and that the love of Jesus is powerful enough to heal people, even of racism I decided to say something.  As I drove down I felt a lump in my throat start to form as I thought about the older european woman, and tweety bird woman for that matter. Big, hot tears started streaming down my face & I began to sob for the  brokenness in the world that causes people have to be degraded in such horrible ways and to treat each other in horrible ways.

I don’t post this blog to make myself seem special, praiseworthy or noble. I think  this is the kind of thing that should mark Christian in this life- to be peacemakers who speak words of love and truth in areas of brokenness in peoples lives and in the world.


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Categories : jesus, justice, race issues, Uncategorized

Raise your hand IF…You have Crazy Mom disease

4 05 2010

My Friend Lisa posted this blog recently & I found myself feeling similar sentiments recently.  You can check her out at: http://haller4307.xanga.com/726517508/raise-your-hand-ifyou-have-crazy-mom-disease/

I’ve been trying to hold it together while Dave is away for work for the next two weeks & I am home caring for Reuben, packing our house to move in a month, and trying to write two papers amongst other things. Lisa’s post inspired me to write a Crazy Mom Disease Post of my own.

What is Crazy Mom Disease? Symptoms may differ between moms but may include:

1. Hurricane Head: Thinking a hurricane of thoughts all at the same time about vastly different things: i.e. “when should I schedule my son’s birthday party since we’ll be moving?” “I need to order that theology book for the research paper I’m writing.” “I wonder if I have any more ham in the freezer to make soup?”

2. Stress napping. For those of us able to take naps during the day this can include either feeling super tired and trying to take a nap but not being able to because of hurricane head symptoms or taking a really long nap and then not being able to sleep at night because of long nap. Then hurricane head also keeps you awake.

3. Stress eating. After putting Reuben to bed asking myself “Should I have a glass of wine or a cookie?” Seriously? With CMD the only choice is whether you’ll have another cookie after eating the first one! Today I made myself feel a little better about this one by throwing some steamed broccoli into the mac & cheese.

image from etsykids.blogspot.com

4. Stress exercising. See Symptom number three. Hence, symptom number 4. Actually, exercising has helped me to feel more sane in the craziness that is this month. Though I may be feeling a bit out of control it feels great to work up a sweat, burn off some of my nervous energy and know that I’m doing right by the body God gave me.

4. Crying at random times. Spontaneous tears may erupt in awkward places such as: the bank, while visiting friends of family, while taking a walk or driving between the pet store to get cat food, the grocery store to get deodorant, and Rite Aid to get more packing tape. I haven’t actually cried at all of these places but have been aware that I’m pretty wired right now and can be set off by random things. Plus, I had to watch Pay It Forward for a paper I’m working on for grad school- I had never seen it and bawled at the end! It was so good and so sad! Still, in the midst of this touching movie all I could think about was the line uttered by Jack from Will & Grace when he was helping boost the confidence a newly outed man who was feeling self conscious because  ”that’s what we do Will, we gay it forward!” (Does anyone else remember this line or is it just my brain it got lodged in?)

5. Super-mom delusions. Friend that has a new baby & could use some help? Sure! Of course you can bring over a meal! Bake a homemade birthday cake for my son in the likeness of brobee from Yo! Gabba Gabba? Why the heck not?! Raise $20,000 in the next two months? Piece of brobee cake! Get together & personally thank people who have given thousands of dollars to our ministry over the past nine years? (actually, this has been really fun :)

image from coolestbirthdaycakes.com

read 1200 pages, write 30 pages of research papers, pack up our house & keep it relatively clean while doing so? And the list goes on. I won’t bore you because I know you’ve all got lists like this too. As the Scrubs theme song goes “I’m no superman” or supermom in this case.

I feel like I should end this post with some sort of happy Growing Pains-esque wrap up. I’d like to write how I’m thankful, but right now I just feel overwhelmed. There are things I know to be true- that God is able to strengthen and sustain me- that another cookie, walk or online search for window treatments for my new house won’t fill me in the way that only Jesus can. This is when I’m glad to be part of the family of God- when I don’t feel strong enough to pray for myself that I know others are praying these things for me.


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Categories : inner world, jesus, mom blogs, Uncategorized

explaining death to my three year old

24 04 2010

Today we discovered that our cat G.K. Chesterton, “Chester” had died in the night, curled up in his kitty bed.  While I have been sad since we found out about his terminal cancer I was more worried about how Reuben (not to mention our other crazy cat, Conan) would respond. How do you explain death to a three year old?

Dave and I buried Chester in our backyard this morning after we had dropped Reuben off at childcare. We put a white stone on top of the grave to mark it. Later, when Reuben came home we explained that Chester had died and that he was never going to come back, he was in kitty heaven and that Jesus was taking care of him. Reuben replied “I’m sad about Chester.” “We’re sad too buddy, do you have any questions?” Dave responded as he held Reuben’s hand and walked him over to his sandbox.  ”you buried Chester. We lost him” Reuben continued.  We had watched a Sesame Street video earlier this week about loss, which only made me more depressed about Chester and confused Reuben about why a wild turtle would wander into Big Bird’s nest and then wander away.

where did my turtle go?

Later that night at dinner Reuben continued to talk about Chester. Here is how the conversation went:

Reuben : “Is Chester under the rock?”
Dave:”Yes, I dug a deep hole and we put him in it”
R: “we need to take that rock off of Chester so he can get out.”
D: “No, Reuben he’s not alive any more.”
R: “If we move the rock he’ll pop up!”
J: “No, he won’t pop up.”
R: “We won’t believe our eyes!” He says as he shovels spaghetti into his mouth.
J: “We won’t believe our eyes about what?” I’m starting to wonder where he’s getting this stuff.
R: (More chewing of the spaghetti)
D: “What won’t we believe our eyes about Reuben?”
R: “We won’t believe our eyes when we see Chester!”
D: “I wouldn’t believe my eyes if I saw Chester, that would be a miracle. But he’s not coming back, he’s dead”
J: “Did you know that after Jesus died, his disciples couldn’t believe their eyes when he came back from the dead? It was a miracle!”
R: “Did Jesus not believe his eyes?”
J:  ”Did Jesus not believe his eyes about what?”

R: “Did Jesus not believe his eyes when he saw Chester pop up?”
(At this point we are trying not to laugh at kid logic, the wonderfully hilarious way kids put things together).
D: “Chester is with Jesus now, he’s safe and happy in kitty heaven.”

Well, obviously Reuben is not too traumatized. I can’t say the same for our other cat Conan who is wandering around the house meowing and trying to snuggle us at any chance he gets.


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Categories : jesus, pets and animals, Uncategorized

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